Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize