Got a toothbrush?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
