Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
