she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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