did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
