U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
