why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
