you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
