gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
