he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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