your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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