you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she peed on how many people?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
