For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
