watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
