I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
