last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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