so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
