dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
