spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
