when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
