he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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