I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
