Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
