flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
