He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
