We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
