happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
