I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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