Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
