I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
