I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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