as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize