I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
North Korea, Best Korea!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
