Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
