I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
