WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
