Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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