I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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