Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
