i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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