It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
how drunk are you?
Several
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
