I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
