True but thats because hes a fetus.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
