I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
