I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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