Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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