the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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