she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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