You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
