Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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