I'm so fucking centered right now
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize