I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
