Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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