i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
