apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She even gives head with a lisp.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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