so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
