Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
