I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So vagazzling was a success
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize