Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
