Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
