Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
