Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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