I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
