Someone shit on the floor
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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