Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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