i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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