so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
