When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
